It Ain't Cuz He's Unheartlandishly Hued; Really, It Isn't

At first, I couldn't figure out why Sister Sarah is so angry about Bristol's new boyfriend, Kyle Massey. I mean, hey, he ain't Levi, and Bristol needs a good man to practice abstinence with anyway. You'd think that'd be enough.

But then I saw the suitor's photo and immediately understood Mrs. Palin's rage. It's all there in Mr. Massy's eyes: the anti-colonialism, the Muslimishness, the crypto-Kenyanicity, the secret socialism, and a latent proclivity to produce birth certificates that can't pass the Taitz test.

It's no wonder Sister Sarah is so pissed off. This man is going to steal her daughter's innocence by teaching sweet Bristol how to fist bump.

It's all there, in his eyes.

More Rage!

God damn my inner Frenchman. May he burn in Hell for this: